Ah, the exclusive world of espionage. The glamour, the glitz, the girls. From James Bond to the dude in the Milk Tray adverts, who cam honestly say that they haven't at some point in their life wanted to be a spy for MI6 or some other renowned secret service?
Sadly, on the buses, the nearest you get to this is when an OAP boards and shows you their bus pass, entitling them to free travel on account of their age, but they present it in such a way that suggests they do not want anyone else to see they have one.
It happened on a few occasions today. It always makes me smile - similarly when an OAP uses their pass for the first time and they have a massive grin stretching to both sides of their face, but have absolutely no idea how to use it. They just look at you vacuously.
But, back to today, and a woman with a face like some very ropey lava boarded and I initially thought she had some dodgy goods on sale from within her coat. It would appear not. There, from within the depths, was her bus pass.
Now there is only one way to deal with this. The more liberal, piss-drinking, tree huggers of you will say something like: "Leave the poor woman alone; let her board your bus with dignity!" But where's the fun in that?
I always ask to see it properly and if they ask say that I need to view the logo of the issuing authority in the top right-hand corner, so that I knew which button to press. I'll then add something like: "It's a free one, is it?" as hidden in the midst of the darkened shades of mauve makes it difficult to see.
They take their ticket and they sit down.
Common Sense Solution: Everyone should show their bus pass or travel warrant or scholars pass to the driver clearly. From CCTV footage it could look as if I'm giving free bus rides out willy-nilly, which is considered gross misconduct. How would these people fair on our competitor's vehicles, where they have to place their pass against a reader? It is up to the individual to tell people their age, but it is written on the back of their bus pass that they need to show it to the driver and state their destination. I'm just doing my job, guv!
Wednesday 31 August 2011
Thursday 25 August 2011
Good old-fashioned PR
Despite my literary outbursts herein, I'm a particularly conscientious person. This is probably why the things that annoy me make such an impact.
Today, a female passenger boarded and asked me a question about her fare prior to me issuing it. She was travelling to Village X and on her return, wanted to get off at Village Y en route. I said that our straightforward day return ticket would not let her do this and that she needed to purchase an all-day, unlimited travel ticket. However, Villages X and Y are not too far apart and neither was more than 10 minutes from where the lady was boarding, so I used the ticket machine to calculate the individual fares.
She would save £0.30 by purchasing an all-day ticket. This she did and although 30p won't break the bank, what she was charged was in line with my company's procedures and was as bespoke as possible for her needs. And she makes the journey a couple of times per week, so knew what to do in future, when catching her first bus of the day.
Sadly, this was not enough for the lorry driver, stationary in traffic, adjacent to me. He was heading in the opposite direction and the location of the stop I was at to his traffic lights meant that my bus was causing a backlog of traffic. My understanding of the situation was that his lights were on green but nothing could move as cars behind were occupying the box junction.
These things happen, but Mr Tachograph thought it worthy to blast his air horn at me. I looked to see what the matter was and saw him gesturing to me so made no response and continued with the transaction at no greater or lesser speed than I'd planned on doing.
OK, I might have gone a bit slower, deliberately.
There's a moral here somewhere, for the lorry driver.
Common Sense Solution: I did it!
Today, a female passenger boarded and asked me a question about her fare prior to me issuing it. She was travelling to Village X and on her return, wanted to get off at Village Y en route. I said that our straightforward day return ticket would not let her do this and that she needed to purchase an all-day, unlimited travel ticket. However, Villages X and Y are not too far apart and neither was more than 10 minutes from where the lady was boarding, so I used the ticket machine to calculate the individual fares.
She would save £0.30 by purchasing an all-day ticket. This she did and although 30p won't break the bank, what she was charged was in line with my company's procedures and was as bespoke as possible for her needs. And she makes the journey a couple of times per week, so knew what to do in future, when catching her first bus of the day.
Sadly, this was not enough for the lorry driver, stationary in traffic, adjacent to me. He was heading in the opposite direction and the location of the stop I was at to his traffic lights meant that my bus was causing a backlog of traffic. My understanding of the situation was that his lights were on green but nothing could move as cars behind were occupying the box junction.
These things happen, but Mr Tachograph thought it worthy to blast his air horn at me. I looked to see what the matter was and saw him gesturing to me so made no response and continued with the transaction at no greater or lesser speed than I'd planned on doing.
OK, I might have gone a bit slower, deliberately.
There's a moral here somewhere, for the lorry driver.
Common Sense Solution: I did it!
Monday 22 August 2011
Hail 'n' Ride
The term Hail 'n' Ride throws fear and dread into a bus driver's life. With the average IQ of those being conveyed so low, the ambiguity a scheme like this produces is ticking time bomb, just waiting to go off.
Effectively, a bus operator designates certain stretches of route as Hail 'n' Ride because they can't be fagged to cough up for some bus stop signs to attach to lamp posts. They have to registered which sections are Hail 'n' Ride with the Traffic Commissioner with the bus service registration document, but have no obligation to make reference to it in the public timetable. This is a good thing.
One passenger's 'safe' location is not always the driver's. We have a rural route that passes through a number of villages where Hail 'n' Ride is employed. To make matters worse, rather than there be no bus stops at all in the villages, there are some. One village has its eastern half littered with them but none in the west. Another has one in the middle (timing point) but none anywhere else.
The guys I work with do not make things any better. Some drivers are happy to stop a million times in the same bloody hamlet, dropping old ladies off at their front doors. Others, with a sense of punctuality, do not.
And this is when the arguments start. I'm all for making life easy for both passengers and drivers, but Hail 'n' Ride works contrary to this. Passengers simply are not qualified sufficiently to assess whether the location they're stood is safe for a bus to stop. A sad but accurate truth.
If someone is stood on a road junction and flags me down, I pass them, slowly, and pull over a little further up, so that my 40-foot bus is not illegally obstructing the road adjoining from the left. This woman I collected from this location today was most put out at having to walk 35 feet to board. I told her that she needs to stand here in future so that I'm not blocking the junction. Her response?
"I've always got on at the corner!"
No you haven't you two-faced lying cow. I know as I've picked her up here before. I'm sure they do it rather than acknowledge that something a bus driver has said is actually true.
"Can you drop me off at the horses?" is another request often given.
But the main entrance to the equestrian centre is not enough - horse owners want to be dropped off at the actual stable within the complex, each backing onto the passing road. Tough shit. You get dropped off at the main entrance and picked up there afterwards.
Then there are the occasions when the passengers aren't at fault (yes, it does happen). I stopped outside a tiny retail park on Saturday, to drop some OAPs off, and as I pulled off I spotted a collection of people stood four or five bus lengths down the road, who proceeded to flag me down. They were new to the area and I collected them as they were stood in a very clear and safe locality. But what can you say? If you tell them to wait where the small retail park is, they could legitimately say: "But where does it say to do that?" or "But where in the timetable does it say I have to wait in that specific spot?"
All true.
Common Sense Solution: Ultimately, operators' and local authorities' hands need forcing by making the stoppage to load/unload passengers anywhere other than a signed bus stop illegal. This would force them to splash out on some bus stop signs. Some authorities take responsibility for the erection of bus stops and timetable information and these tend to be more comprehensive than areas where bus operators are responsible. A bus stop flag is surely an advertisement tool - paint the countryside with them, to promote your service. Don't be stingy and rely on Hail 'n' Ride schemes as a cheap cop-out. Drivers should be consistent and all adopt the same policy on what is and what isn't a safe place to stop.
Effectively, a bus operator designates certain stretches of route as Hail 'n' Ride because they can't be fagged to cough up for some bus stop signs to attach to lamp posts. They have to registered which sections are Hail 'n' Ride with the Traffic Commissioner with the bus service registration document, but have no obligation to make reference to it in the public timetable. This is a good thing.
One passenger's 'safe' location is not always the driver's. We have a rural route that passes through a number of villages where Hail 'n' Ride is employed. To make matters worse, rather than there be no bus stops at all in the villages, there are some. One village has its eastern half littered with them but none in the west. Another has one in the middle (timing point) but none anywhere else.
The guys I work with do not make things any better. Some drivers are happy to stop a million times in the same bloody hamlet, dropping old ladies off at their front doors. Others, with a sense of punctuality, do not.
And this is when the arguments start. I'm all for making life easy for both passengers and drivers, but Hail 'n' Ride works contrary to this. Passengers simply are not qualified sufficiently to assess whether the location they're stood is safe for a bus to stop. A sad but accurate truth.
If someone is stood on a road junction and flags me down, I pass them, slowly, and pull over a little further up, so that my 40-foot bus is not illegally obstructing the road adjoining from the left. This woman I collected from this location today was most put out at having to walk 35 feet to board. I told her that she needs to stand here in future so that I'm not blocking the junction. Her response?
"I've always got on at the corner!"
No you haven't you two-faced lying cow. I know as I've picked her up here before. I'm sure they do it rather than acknowledge that something a bus driver has said is actually true.
"Can you drop me off at the horses?" is another request often given.
But the main entrance to the equestrian centre is not enough - horse owners want to be dropped off at the actual stable within the complex, each backing onto the passing road. Tough shit. You get dropped off at the main entrance and picked up there afterwards.
Then there are the occasions when the passengers aren't at fault (yes, it does happen). I stopped outside a tiny retail park on Saturday, to drop some OAPs off, and as I pulled off I spotted a collection of people stood four or five bus lengths down the road, who proceeded to flag me down. They were new to the area and I collected them as they were stood in a very clear and safe locality. But what can you say? If you tell them to wait where the small retail park is, they could legitimately say: "But where does it say to do that?" or "But where in the timetable does it say I have to wait in that specific spot?"
All true.
Common Sense Solution: Ultimately, operators' and local authorities' hands need forcing by making the stoppage to load/unload passengers anywhere other than a signed bus stop illegal. This would force them to splash out on some bus stop signs. Some authorities take responsibility for the erection of bus stops and timetable information and these tend to be more comprehensive than areas where bus operators are responsible. A bus stop flag is surely an advertisement tool - paint the countryside with them, to promote your service. Don't be stingy and rely on Hail 'n' Ride schemes as a cheap cop-out. Drivers should be consistent and all adopt the same policy on what is and what isn't a safe place to stop.
Friday 19 August 2011
Attitude
The modern bus passenger wants to get his own way. Simple as. If he doesn't get his own way - irrespective whether that he is asking breaks the law or company regulations - he will respond with a barrage of abuse, much of it foul-mouthed and obscene. Such is life.
Gone are the days when a passenger would board a bus and ask to travel just two stops in an urban area (total distance 0.5 miles maximum) and when told the driver could not change the £20 note he was tendering, would accept defeat and respond with: "Ok, mate, not to worry; it's a nice day and it's not that far to walk."
Today you get: "You're a FUCKING DICK!!" yelled at you.
Or when you pull up at a stop and at the very end of the queue two under-class mothers with buggies try to board but when told they'll have to fold their buggies to travel as the 'buggy zone' is already occupied by two buggies, no more do you hear their pleasant retort: "That's OK, it's our fault for chatting and not noticing that the buggy area was full as you were loading people in front of us."
Today you get: "For FUCK'S SAKE. Why the FUCK can't we just travel with them in the 'middle bit' (aisle)?"
Scum, sub-human scum.
Common Sense Solution: A firm hand and the requirement to stand firm. Every time you give in, it is a win for the wankers. The more they win, the more they will try and push the envelope, like a sexed cow. Be resolute and firm. Take no bullshit. Tell them it like it is, without lowering yourself to their level by swearing or shouting. Often, speaking quietly when they're kicking off can help as they moderate their volume to try and hear what you're saying.
Gone are the days when a passenger would board a bus and ask to travel just two stops in an urban area (total distance 0.5 miles maximum) and when told the driver could not change the £20 note he was tendering, would accept defeat and respond with: "Ok, mate, not to worry; it's a nice day and it's not that far to walk."
Today you get: "You're a FUCKING DICK!!" yelled at you.
Or when you pull up at a stop and at the very end of the queue two under-class mothers with buggies try to board but when told they'll have to fold their buggies to travel as the 'buggy zone' is already occupied by two buggies, no more do you hear their pleasant retort: "That's OK, it's our fault for chatting and not noticing that the buggy area was full as you were loading people in front of us."
Today you get: "For FUCK'S SAKE. Why the FUCK can't we just travel with them in the 'middle bit' (aisle)?"
Scum, sub-human scum.
Common Sense Solution: A firm hand and the requirement to stand firm. Every time you give in, it is a win for the wankers. The more they win, the more they will try and push the envelope, like a sexed cow. Be resolute and firm. Take no bullshit. Tell them it like it is, without lowering yourself to their level by swearing or shouting. Often, speaking quietly when they're kicking off can help as they moderate their volume to try and hear what you're saying.
Saturday 13 August 2011
Complete & Utter Bullshit
The reason why so much scum in society travel by bus is because it's convenient and cheap. Despite this, plenty bemoan the cost of their trip to their drug dealer and that they have to walk for 6 minutes to flag a bus down. Trains get a fair dollop of the underclass, mainly in urban areas where stops are located close together and free rides can be had. Far fewer on planes.
Anyway, one element the scum of society possess is their ability to blatantly lie to your face.
A Scottish guy, dressed in a tracksuit with baseball cap, scars on his knuckles and tattoos on his face, flagged me down at a stop outside a supermarket today. He had a 'mini me' with him as his son was stood alongside.
"Can you tell me where the bus to Town B is?" Note the lack of 'excuse me' and 'please'.
"Yes, it doesn't call here for another 40 minutes, so the next one will be at 1110". Nice, clear, concise and answering a second question that was likely to follow.
"So what happened to the one at 1010?" he replied.
Now I knew it ran as I passed it on the way in and it was on time as far as I could remember. I didn't immediately say the latter but told the chap that it would have run, leaving the centre of Town A at 1000.
"Well it never fucking come this way!" he replied, so eloquently.
Oh well, such is life. If you can't physically see a bus go by then really you ought to expect to be left from time to time. I thought I would add that I'd passed it and it was on time, to which the NED replied:
"Oh OK then!"
What a wally. What happened to his firm statement previously? How can a bus that supposedly didn't operate now be greeted with such acceptance of the facts? These wankers are the sorts of people who serious drop drivers into hot water. An allegation like this to a large multi-national bus company will be enough to see the driver hauled before a disciplinary procedure. Yes, the CCTV footage would prove the service operated and the toss pot was not even stood there, but the anguish and nervousness felt by the driver would still exist up until that point.
Similarly, passengers who throw their bus ticket away as they take their seat can cause drivers to be suspended if they're approached by an inspector. Rather than admit they threw their ticket away, they state they weren't given one. This then sets red lights flashing and alarm bells ringing as the company worth billions immediately removes the driver from the bus and suspends him pending an investigation.
Common Sense Solution: The money generated by these low-income neanderthals is just as welcome as monies received from business people in shirts and ties. Consequently, the under-class will always be welcome on buses. But operators need to trust their workforce more. Immediately suspending/issuing allegations of impropriety to the drivers is wrong. It's one of the reasons turnover is so high in the industry. We are, for example, short-staffed in the middle of a recession. Why? Drivers cannot stand working for my company. They despise being assumed guilty until proven innocent. The under-class's fictitious stories are more often than not to blame.
Anyway, one element the scum of society possess is their ability to blatantly lie to your face.
A Scottish guy, dressed in a tracksuit with baseball cap, scars on his knuckles and tattoos on his face, flagged me down at a stop outside a supermarket today. He had a 'mini me' with him as his son was stood alongside.
"Can you tell me where the bus to Town B is?" Note the lack of 'excuse me' and 'please'.
"Yes, it doesn't call here for another 40 minutes, so the next one will be at 1110". Nice, clear, concise and answering a second question that was likely to follow.
"So what happened to the one at 1010?" he replied.
Now I knew it ran as I passed it on the way in and it was on time as far as I could remember. I didn't immediately say the latter but told the chap that it would have run, leaving the centre of Town A at 1000.
"Well it never fucking come this way!" he replied, so eloquently.
Oh well, such is life. If you can't physically see a bus go by then really you ought to expect to be left from time to time. I thought I would add that I'd passed it and it was on time, to which the NED replied:
"Oh OK then!"
What a wally. What happened to his firm statement previously? How can a bus that supposedly didn't operate now be greeted with such acceptance of the facts? These wankers are the sorts of people who serious drop drivers into hot water. An allegation like this to a large multi-national bus company will be enough to see the driver hauled before a disciplinary procedure. Yes, the CCTV footage would prove the service operated and the toss pot was not even stood there, but the anguish and nervousness felt by the driver would still exist up until that point.
Similarly, passengers who throw their bus ticket away as they take their seat can cause drivers to be suspended if they're approached by an inspector. Rather than admit they threw their ticket away, they state they weren't given one. This then sets red lights flashing and alarm bells ringing as the company worth billions immediately removes the driver from the bus and suspends him pending an investigation.
Common Sense Solution: The money generated by these low-income neanderthals is just as welcome as monies received from business people in shirts and ties. Consequently, the under-class will always be welcome on buses. But operators need to trust their workforce more. Immediately suspending/issuing allegations of impropriety to the drivers is wrong. It's one of the reasons turnover is so high in the industry. We are, for example, short-staffed in the middle of a recession. Why? Drivers cannot stand working for my company. They despise being assumed guilty until proven innocent. The under-class's fictitious stories are more often than not to blame.
Friday 12 August 2011
The Third Person
Occasionally, a passenger will use the third person tense when informing the driver of something which they themselves have done wrong. This happened today.
Two young women left my bus in the bus station and said that 'there has been a spillage of drink upstairs on the floor. You might want to have a look at it".
I headed up there and spotted that someone had clearly spilt a reasonably amount of clear liquid (it could have been piss, but I took the view that it probably was simply water or cordial) but this was located on the floor at the very back of the bus. No one else other than the offender would have known about it.
I'd much rather the culprit say, "I'm really sorry, but I've spilt a little bit of drink on the floor upstairs."
It's not as if I could throw her off as she was leaving at the end of the route anyway.
Common Sense Solution: Ban drinks on board. X-ray all passengers' possessions and check for lice. Oh for such a world...
Two young women left my bus in the bus station and said that 'there has been a spillage of drink upstairs on the floor. You might want to have a look at it".
I headed up there and spotted that someone had clearly spilt a reasonably amount of clear liquid (it could have been piss, but I took the view that it probably was simply water or cordial) but this was located on the floor at the very back of the bus. No one else other than the offender would have known about it.
I'd much rather the culprit say, "I'm really sorry, but I've spilt a little bit of drink on the floor upstairs."
It's not as if I could throw her off as she was leaving at the end of the route anyway.
Common Sense Solution: Ban drinks on board. X-ray all passengers' possessions and check for lice. Oh for such a world...
Sunday 7 August 2011
The Surreptitious Wavers
Some people have no idea about travelling on buses. That's not to say we drivers should lambaste them at all times for this ignorance, as this won't assist modal change at all. But there are some occasions when people are beyond help. One such incident took place today.
I, due to the rota I'm on, have a nice rural Saturday shift every 10 weeks. It is a wonderful shift that goes between Town A and Town B. I do a number of runs in the morning and have 1 run covered by another driver, before doing a couple more in the afternoon. The driver who did my missing run had brought a couple of OAPs from Town A to a country house which is on the way into Town B. I know this as I asked him. As they alighted, they asked him where they should wait for the bus back to Town A. He told them to stand opposite and hail the driver 'so he doesn't think you're just waiting to cross the road'. All well and good.
At the time, I didn't know about this exchange and I was passing the country house heading towards Town A. I saw some people stood on the opposite side of the carriageway (a single carriageway but there's a barrier in the middle to stop people turning right from the country estate). I thought it odd that two people should be stood where they were as I was the next bus in that direction in a little under 2 hours.
As I was passing at 50mph (legal limit for my road) I saw the female of the couple stick her hand out from her waist. Not her arm outstretched, just her hand. It was both pitiful and laughable. And of course futile as I was headed in the opposite direction at 50mph and there was a barrier separating the carriageways so it would have taken literally 5 minutes for them to walk around. Five minutes I didn't have and five minutes my existing passengers wouldn't have wanted to be needlessly delayed while I waited for them.
I can't fathom why they thought the return to Town A, from whence they'd came, would be in the direction of the adjacent Town B - and after the driver who brought them here told me what he'd told them, how can you convey people like this when they can't even understand a very straightforward instruction.
Yes, yes, I'll be old one day, but when I'd told to stand opposite and outstretch my arm, I'll, er, stand opposite and outstretch my arm.
Common Sense Solution: Precisely what happened. Sometimes it is simply unsafe to stop. Passengers do not research their journey by bus in the same manner that they would by train and certainly by plane. Buses benefit from being the ultimate in turn-up-and-go public transport, but then suffer from the associated arrogance and ignorance when people become blahzay.
I, due to the rota I'm on, have a nice rural Saturday shift every 10 weeks. It is a wonderful shift that goes between Town A and Town B. I do a number of runs in the morning and have 1 run covered by another driver, before doing a couple more in the afternoon. The driver who did my missing run had brought a couple of OAPs from Town A to a country house which is on the way into Town B. I know this as I asked him. As they alighted, they asked him where they should wait for the bus back to Town A. He told them to stand opposite and hail the driver 'so he doesn't think you're just waiting to cross the road'. All well and good.
At the time, I didn't know about this exchange and I was passing the country house heading towards Town A. I saw some people stood on the opposite side of the carriageway (a single carriageway but there's a barrier in the middle to stop people turning right from the country estate). I thought it odd that two people should be stood where they were as I was the next bus in that direction in a little under 2 hours.
As I was passing at 50mph (legal limit for my road) I saw the female of the couple stick her hand out from her waist. Not her arm outstretched, just her hand. It was both pitiful and laughable. And of course futile as I was headed in the opposite direction at 50mph and there was a barrier separating the carriageways so it would have taken literally 5 minutes for them to walk around. Five minutes I didn't have and five minutes my existing passengers wouldn't have wanted to be needlessly delayed while I waited for them.
I can't fathom why they thought the return to Town A, from whence they'd came, would be in the direction of the adjacent Town B - and after the driver who brought them here told me what he'd told them, how can you convey people like this when they can't even understand a very straightforward instruction.
Yes, yes, I'll be old one day, but when I'd told to stand opposite and outstretch my arm, I'll, er, stand opposite and outstretch my arm.
Common Sense Solution: Precisely what happened. Sometimes it is simply unsafe to stop. Passengers do not research their journey by bus in the same manner that they would by train and certainly by plane. Buses benefit from being the ultimate in turn-up-and-go public transport, but then suffer from the associated arrogance and ignorance when people become blahzay.
Friday 5 August 2011
How to fold a buggy
There's a foreign lady who regularly boards one of our busy, high-frequency urban services. Buses run every 10 minutes and she normally boards at her stop between 0800-0830 pushing her child in a buggy. Although buses are busy at these times, I've yet to ask her to fold the buggy as there is insufficient room on board. Usually, if the buggy zone is occupied by passengers, I'll ask for them to move to another seat downstairs and they happily do so.
Today, however, she had to fold the buggy. The way she reacted you'd think she had just been raped.
What an absolutely horrid, selfish and nasty woman she is. The lower saloon was completely full of old ladies and their shopping trolleys (it is market day) and three suitcases were stowed on the small luggage rack above the front near-side wheel arch. While I could have asked passengers to vacate the fold-up seats, there was nowhere for them to go and as they were all octogenarians, they wouldn't ascend the stairs to the upper saloon and I wasn't going to face being handbagged by asking them to stand.
So they buggy-pushing selfish bitch was told that if she wanted to travel she would need to fold her buggy AND carry it up the stairs with her.
Obviously this would be very arduous and not something I would embark upon. But what really got my goat was the vitriol she showed when I then told her that the only other thing I could suggest is to catch the following bus in 10 minutes.
And I do not care what colour your skin is or what your ethnicity is. Irrespective of the language barrier, she had eyes. She saw I was completely stacked downstairs. It was obvious that she selfishly wanted to force her buggy on and to hell with others who'd be inconvenienced.
It didn't happen today.
Common Sense Solution: More situations like that which the buggy-pusher faced today need to occur to stop these people thinking that they have a right greater than fare-paying passengers, to bring their buggy on board. DDA legislation forced bus operators to employ low-floor vehicles that can accommodate wheelchairs and since these passengers are few and far between, they allow unfolded buggies to occupy the area.
Today, however, she had to fold the buggy. The way she reacted you'd think she had just been raped.
What an absolutely horrid, selfish and nasty woman she is. The lower saloon was completely full of old ladies and their shopping trolleys (it is market day) and three suitcases were stowed on the small luggage rack above the front near-side wheel arch. While I could have asked passengers to vacate the fold-up seats, there was nowhere for them to go and as they were all octogenarians, they wouldn't ascend the stairs to the upper saloon and I wasn't going to face being handbagged by asking them to stand.
So they buggy-pushing selfish bitch was told that if she wanted to travel she would need to fold her buggy AND carry it up the stairs with her.
Obviously this would be very arduous and not something I would embark upon. But what really got my goat was the vitriol she showed when I then told her that the only other thing I could suggest is to catch the following bus in 10 minutes.
And I do not care what colour your skin is or what your ethnicity is. Irrespective of the language barrier, she had eyes. She saw I was completely stacked downstairs. It was obvious that she selfishly wanted to force her buggy on and to hell with others who'd be inconvenienced.
It didn't happen today.
Common Sense Solution: More situations like that which the buggy-pusher faced today need to occur to stop these people thinking that they have a right greater than fare-paying passengers, to bring their buggy on board. DDA legislation forced bus operators to employ low-floor vehicles that can accommodate wheelchairs and since these passengers are few and far between, they allow unfolded buggies to occupy the area.
"Chivalry is dead!"
That's what a rather posh lady said as she and her daughter alighted from my bus in a very well-to-do hamlet today.
Chivalry has been dead for a long time, luv.
She was escorting her daughter and grandchild from my bus and no one offered to help carry the folded buggy off even though granny had both arms empty.
You wanted equality, carry your own bloody buggy. Chivalry is so 1940!
Common Sense Solution: Introduce a term in society where females are supposed to do something gallant for men. Except you won't be able to as the women will claim this is discriminatory. A bit like chivalry, then.
Chivalry has been dead for a long time, luv.
She was escorting her daughter and grandchild from my bus and no one offered to help carry the folded buggy off even though granny had both arms empty.
You wanted equality, carry your own bloody buggy. Chivalry is so 1940!
Common Sense Solution: Introduce a term in society where females are supposed to do something gallant for men. Except you won't be able to as the women will claim this is discriminatory. A bit like chivalry, then.
Thursday 4 August 2011
The Three Types of Youth
1. Youth - boards your bus in a approachable, friendly manner. He or she might have a face like a pizza and there could be either too much eau de toilette or body odour, but otherwise the encounter is perfectly acceptable. He or she may even try and pay with the correct fare.
2. Errant Youth - board your bus with something of a swagger. He or she will usually try and slip you a £20 note for a £1 fare but in a manner that looks as if they're working for MI5. They turn away when eye contact is needed and you consider keeping them in your view throughout the journey.
3. Feral Youth - complete and utter arse holes. They're trouble from the start. Cocky and obnoxious when then board. One will probably have his hand down his slag's blouse or she'll have her hand in her geeza's zipper. They'll smell of cannabis and will blow smoke in your face as they begrudge not being able to indulge in contracting cancer while in your air space.
I had Errant Youth on today, though I felt that they could move into the Feral category while the journey unfolded. They had attitude as they showed me their return tickets and made no eye contact. There were four of them travelling together on separate tickets. As they made their way to the (you guessed it) back of the single-decker, they rang every bell in sight. This needed nipping in the bud. Basic psychology at its best.
I politely stopped the following passengers from boarding and left my cab. I walked about half way down and shouted at them all that I was coming to throw them all off. Now this could have ended in a passenger calling 999 for me but this was a calculated risk owing to where these youths were travelling and their underlying accents not being of 'da ghetto'.
They fell silent. I returned to the front and as I re-entered the cab, added, "And I mean it!" Silence, again.
As I mentioned earlier in the week, when a potential trouble causer knows that his bus driver is one who is quite happy to leave the cab and get his hands dirty, you have a massive advantage. I'm also not built like Peewee Herman, so have a physical bluff to add.
Common Sense Solution: Bus companies should take a hard line on passengers who think it acceptable to cause trouble on their buses. They should offer unqualified support and backing to the driver, irrespective of the situation. They'll happily employ the driver to collect their money, but don't always seem too keen to believe in his judgement. Absolute zero tolerance would cause plenty of problems initially, while those who believe it acceptable to play music out loud or to board your vehicle with shit running down their legs attempting to cause all sorts of PR nightmare scenarios for the operator, but a firm line and it will be overcome. This will pay dividends in the long-term as I personally believe that a higher percentage share will be had when car drivers know that they will not encounter troublesome youths or drunken neanderthals aboard their local bus.
2. Errant Youth - board your bus with something of a swagger. He or she will usually try and slip you a £20 note for a £1 fare but in a manner that looks as if they're working for MI5. They turn away when eye contact is needed and you consider keeping them in your view throughout the journey.
3. Feral Youth - complete and utter arse holes. They're trouble from the start. Cocky and obnoxious when then board. One will probably have his hand down his slag's blouse or she'll have her hand in her geeza's zipper. They'll smell of cannabis and will blow smoke in your face as they begrudge not being able to indulge in contracting cancer while in your air space.
I had Errant Youth on today, though I felt that they could move into the Feral category while the journey unfolded. They had attitude as they showed me their return tickets and made no eye contact. There were four of them travelling together on separate tickets. As they made their way to the (you guessed it) back of the single-decker, they rang every bell in sight. This needed nipping in the bud. Basic psychology at its best.
I politely stopped the following passengers from boarding and left my cab. I walked about half way down and shouted at them all that I was coming to throw them all off. Now this could have ended in a passenger calling 999 for me but this was a calculated risk owing to where these youths were travelling and their underlying accents not being of 'da ghetto'.
They fell silent. I returned to the front and as I re-entered the cab, added, "And I mean it!" Silence, again.
As I mentioned earlier in the week, when a potential trouble causer knows that his bus driver is one who is quite happy to leave the cab and get his hands dirty, you have a massive advantage. I'm also not built like Peewee Herman, so have a physical bluff to add.
Common Sense Solution: Bus companies should take a hard line on passengers who think it acceptable to cause trouble on their buses. They should offer unqualified support and backing to the driver, irrespective of the situation. They'll happily employ the driver to collect their money, but don't always seem too keen to believe in his judgement. Absolute zero tolerance would cause plenty of problems initially, while those who believe it acceptable to play music out loud or to board your vehicle with shit running down their legs attempting to cause all sorts of PR nightmare scenarios for the operator, but a firm line and it will be overcome. This will pay dividends in the long-term as I personally believe that a higher percentage share will be had when car drivers know that they will not encounter troublesome youths or drunken neanderthals aboard their local bus.
Wednesday 3 August 2011
The Invisible Bus(es)
A classic example of the complete and utter arse that passengers spout today.
I pulled up at a terminus and two inter-breds approached me. I was about to undertake a 15-min break off the vehicle and depart at xx00. Before me a bus had left at xx40 and the one before that at xx20. I passed them both on my way into the terminus.
The husband and wife/brother and sister (probably both) suggested in the strongest possible terms that neither the xx20 nor xx40 departures had operated. This was complete and utter rubbish. I knew both departures had operated as I'd seen them both on my way in - the actual buses and the drivers at the helm. And besides, if no vehicle had operated for almost 40 minutes on an urban service with a 20-minute frequency, there would be more than these two bemoaning my company and my colleagues.
All considered, I chose to (unusually) respond in the manner to which their fictitious story required. Short, sharp and minimalist.
"The xx20 ran as I saw the driver and the bus and people on board. The xx40 ran as I just passed him round this very corner on my way in. You either both fell asleep, were sat in the wrong place or had a bang on the head."
Now I don't want you to think that I said it in such a way as to bring this pair of simpletons to tears, but it was said like that but with a slight glint in my eye. They understood my angle and then chose to get on the bus I was in the process of leaving.
"Oh," said the woman, "you're not letting us on then?"
"No," said I, "I'm off on my break."
And when I returned to load up in time for my xx00 departure they were nowhere to be seen.
Common Sense Solution: Sadly there isn't one. Passengers often lie - more so than they claim bus drivers do. Either it is a lack of understanding, an inability to read bus timetables or because they had an argument with the driver in question and somehow believe they will get their own back this way. Our buses are all equipped with CCTV, which is connected to GPS. It shows a time stamp on the recording of all cameras on board and a realtime link to the depot shows the actual location of the bus. A stupid story like this should be treated with the contempt it deserves.
I pulled up at a terminus and two inter-breds approached me. I was about to undertake a 15-min break off the vehicle and depart at xx00. Before me a bus had left at xx40 and the one before that at xx20. I passed them both on my way into the terminus.
The husband and wife/brother and sister (probably both) suggested in the strongest possible terms that neither the xx20 nor xx40 departures had operated. This was complete and utter rubbish. I knew both departures had operated as I'd seen them both on my way in - the actual buses and the drivers at the helm. And besides, if no vehicle had operated for almost 40 minutes on an urban service with a 20-minute frequency, there would be more than these two bemoaning my company and my colleagues.
All considered, I chose to (unusually) respond in the manner to which their fictitious story required. Short, sharp and minimalist.
"The xx20 ran as I saw the driver and the bus and people on board. The xx40 ran as I just passed him round this very corner on my way in. You either both fell asleep, were sat in the wrong place or had a bang on the head."
Now I don't want you to think that I said it in such a way as to bring this pair of simpletons to tears, but it was said like that but with a slight glint in my eye. They understood my angle and then chose to get on the bus I was in the process of leaving.
"Oh," said the woman, "you're not letting us on then?"
"No," said I, "I'm off on my break."
And when I returned to load up in time for my xx00 departure they were nowhere to be seen.
Common Sense Solution: Sadly there isn't one. Passengers often lie - more so than they claim bus drivers do. Either it is a lack of understanding, an inability to read bus timetables or because they had an argument with the driver in question and somehow believe they will get their own back this way. Our buses are all equipped with CCTV, which is connected to GPS. It shows a time stamp on the recording of all cameras on board and a realtime link to the depot shows the actual location of the bus. A stupid story like this should be treated with the contempt it deserves.
Monday 1 August 2011
Mobile Disco
I despise people who believe it acceptable to play music out loud on public transport. If ever this blog ends, phone round local hospitals or undertakers to see if a bus driver has died from stab wounds because I will not stand for it. I see it as a deterioration of society. You allow this on a bus and what next? It worries me to think.
I always leave my cab and always ask the offender politely to plug some headphones in. I don't tell them to 'turn that racket off' as they can happily listen to music but need to plug those things in that can be found in every single box that houses every single mobile phone on the market.
I then wait until they acknowledge this and the music stops. An anonymous 'shout back', especially on a double decker, doesn't always have the necessary effect.
I had a well-loaded single decker last night (about 25 on a 40-something seater) and heard music being played out loud. I can tell the difference between a mobile disco and someone listening through headphones, but at a mind-blowingly loud volume. This was a mobile disco. I pulled over in between stops nice and smoothly as the offender may suss what I was about to do and turn it off before I had chance to see who it was.
Out of the cab I got and soon saw who it was - a woman (I think) in a red tracksuit sat in one of the fold-up seats. I asked her to plug some headphones in please, as we don't allow that. She looked up and grunted. The music stopped, but not as soon as it could have done. I stood motionless until silence prevailed and then I politely thanked her. She didn't have any headphones. Oh dear, she would have to go without music for the next 5 minutes, how would she cope?
Getting out the cab, while not recommended by my company, gives me a massive psychological advantage. Especially on a double decker. If those willing to cause trouble are made aware that they have a driver who is willing to show his face - perhaps even get his hands dirty - they will be less likely to kick off.
Getting back to the offence, I just cannot physically see how anyone can deem it acceptable to play their music out loud. Are they so incapable of their effect on others to honestly believe that no one else can hear it? Do they, perhaps, believe the music somehow ends dead six inches either side of them?
Only once in all the years I've been driving buses have I had to ask the same person twice in the same journey to turn his music off. That was, unbelievably, on a single decker, too. On the second occasion, I went and actually sat next to him on the back seat and asked if he had a problem with me. I embarrassed the pathetic runt good and proper but in a very polite manner. He didn't have the mental ability to respond or grunt. Silence prevailed then, as ever. You also get the other passengers on your side, too. They don't want to listen to a mobile disco either.
I tell you, I'm a one-man music-enforcement band. Get on my bus and play music out loud at your peril.
I always leave my cab and always ask the offender politely to plug some headphones in. I don't tell them to 'turn that racket off' as they can happily listen to music but need to plug those things in that can be found in every single box that houses every single mobile phone on the market.
I then wait until they acknowledge this and the music stops. An anonymous 'shout back', especially on a double decker, doesn't always have the necessary effect.
I had a well-loaded single decker last night (about 25 on a 40-something seater) and heard music being played out loud. I can tell the difference between a mobile disco and someone listening through headphones, but at a mind-blowingly loud volume. This was a mobile disco. I pulled over in between stops nice and smoothly as the offender may suss what I was about to do and turn it off before I had chance to see who it was.
Out of the cab I got and soon saw who it was - a woman (I think) in a red tracksuit sat in one of the fold-up seats. I asked her to plug some headphones in please, as we don't allow that. She looked up and grunted. The music stopped, but not as soon as it could have done. I stood motionless until silence prevailed and then I politely thanked her. She didn't have any headphones. Oh dear, she would have to go without music for the next 5 minutes, how would she cope?
Getting out the cab, while not recommended by my company, gives me a massive psychological advantage. Especially on a double decker. If those willing to cause trouble are made aware that they have a driver who is willing to show his face - perhaps even get his hands dirty - they will be less likely to kick off.
Getting back to the offence, I just cannot physically see how anyone can deem it acceptable to play their music out loud. Are they so incapable of their effect on others to honestly believe that no one else can hear it? Do they, perhaps, believe the music somehow ends dead six inches either side of them?
Only once in all the years I've been driving buses have I had to ask the same person twice in the same journey to turn his music off. That was, unbelievably, on a single decker, too. On the second occasion, I went and actually sat next to him on the back seat and asked if he had a problem with me. I embarrassed the pathetic runt good and proper but in a very polite manner. He didn't have the mental ability to respond or grunt. Silence prevailed then, as ever. You also get the other passengers on your side, too. They don't want to listen to a mobile disco either.
I tell you, I'm a one-man music-enforcement band. Get on my bus and play music out loud at your peril.
Head-on with a Geriatric
Today was just surreal.
We have temporary roadworks on one of our routes. The main road now has traffic lights with each direction being given a green light separately. I was heading from south to north and following a number of cars doing the same. We had a green light so proceeded.
Mid-way through the works, I heard a siren. Where was it coming from? It's never easy to tell, despite what they tell you about the siren itself supposedly making it clear. Suddenly a workman jumped into the road and stopped the car in front of me - the siren was coming from a fire engine heading north to south. It managed to squeeze past and after 15 seconds or so we continued north, though the single lane.
But of course, by now our light had turned to red and the light for traffic heading in the opposite direction was green. A geriatric at the helm of a silver car decided to go, irrespective of the line of traffic (second in line being a double-decker bus) heading towards him.
The car in front of me chose the 'Hollywood' option and darted left, though the cones, to escape a head-on collision with the blind, deaf and woefully inadequate geriatric driver.
I, sadly, had no such option.
I remember thinking: "Is this it? Am I actually going to have my very first head-on collision?"
I came to a stop just as the approaching car did. The driver looked at me and shrugged his shoulders at the same time as putting his arms up, as if to say: "Where am I going to go?"
There was more chance of hell freezing over than me giving into him at this point. A number of cars were behind me, heading north. No car behind the geriatric had proceeded - they'd seen what had happened.
Well two can play at this game. I put my handbrake on and folded my arms. He, then, had to do all the work and went onto the path to my right, so that I could pass. He then wound down his window. Well, I was ready for this. Before he managed to exhale anything I said:
"That red thing with the flashing blue lights and making a noise. Did you see it?"
Then I drove off. He didn't have a clue about anything. He was slumped behind the wheel with about as much go as a junior Disprol.
Common Sense Solution: We're told much of the reaction times of someone over 70 being equivalent to an 18-year old having consumed 5 units of alcohol. How true that is. This old man looked no further than the end of his bonnet. He poses a greater risk to other road users than a chav in a stolen car, of this I am absolutely certain. If he were to mow down the lovely 'Ellie', aged 8 and with everything to live for, the public wouldn't outcry; they would be upset about the tragic loss of life. If it was a young lad in a stolen car mowing the innocent ballet-loving 8-yr old 'Ellie' down, the same public would demand the key to be thrown away. No bullshit, no arguments, every man and woman reaching 70 years of age should be forced by law to undertake a 30-minute drive with someone from the Driving Standards Agency to ensure they are competent enough to continue to hold their licence. If not, tough shit, it's gone.
We have temporary roadworks on one of our routes. The main road now has traffic lights with each direction being given a green light separately. I was heading from south to north and following a number of cars doing the same. We had a green light so proceeded.
Mid-way through the works, I heard a siren. Where was it coming from? It's never easy to tell, despite what they tell you about the siren itself supposedly making it clear. Suddenly a workman jumped into the road and stopped the car in front of me - the siren was coming from a fire engine heading north to south. It managed to squeeze past and after 15 seconds or so we continued north, though the single lane.
But of course, by now our light had turned to red and the light for traffic heading in the opposite direction was green. A geriatric at the helm of a silver car decided to go, irrespective of the line of traffic (second in line being a double-decker bus) heading towards him.
The car in front of me chose the 'Hollywood' option and darted left, though the cones, to escape a head-on collision with the blind, deaf and woefully inadequate geriatric driver.
I, sadly, had no such option.
I remember thinking: "Is this it? Am I actually going to have my very first head-on collision?"
I came to a stop just as the approaching car did. The driver looked at me and shrugged his shoulders at the same time as putting his arms up, as if to say: "Where am I going to go?"
There was more chance of hell freezing over than me giving into him at this point. A number of cars were behind me, heading north. No car behind the geriatric had proceeded - they'd seen what had happened.
Well two can play at this game. I put my handbrake on and folded my arms. He, then, had to do all the work and went onto the path to my right, so that I could pass. He then wound down his window. Well, I was ready for this. Before he managed to exhale anything I said:
"That red thing with the flashing blue lights and making a noise. Did you see it?"
Then I drove off. He didn't have a clue about anything. He was slumped behind the wheel with about as much go as a junior Disprol.
Common Sense Solution: We're told much of the reaction times of someone over 70 being equivalent to an 18-year old having consumed 5 units of alcohol. How true that is. This old man looked no further than the end of his bonnet. He poses a greater risk to other road users than a chav in a stolen car, of this I am absolutely certain. If he were to mow down the lovely 'Ellie', aged 8 and with everything to live for, the public wouldn't outcry; they would be upset about the tragic loss of life. If it was a young lad in a stolen car mowing the innocent ballet-loving 8-yr old 'Ellie' down, the same public would demand the key to be thrown away. No bullshit, no arguments, every man and woman reaching 70 years of age should be forced by law to undertake a 30-minute drive with someone from the Driving Standards Agency to ensure they are competent enough to continue to hold their licence. If not, tough shit, it's gone.
"He called me a plonker!"
Yet more care in the community travelling on my bus today.
A lady with a free bus pass (orange stripe down the side, meaning the holder has a disability that precludes them from attaining a car driving licence) boarded in the town centre. She asked if I was Route B. I said not and that I was Route A. Until January, Routes A and B ran alternatively, but then changes were made and Route B was cancelled and Route A increased to double the frequency to compensate.
She said that she needed to be on a road that Route B used to serve. I told her that her only option now is to catch me (Route A) and change onto Route C that would take her the remainder of the way. The connection point is only 0.5 miles from the road she wants to be, but she had shopping and didn't pay to use the bus, so I suspected she'd be happy to wait 15 minutes, rather than walk the distance in 10 mins.
She sat down. Off we went.
Half-an-hour later, an old chap shouted out to me: "Driver! Driver!" I slowed from 50mph to respond. He said that a lady claims she's got on the wrong bus and wants to know where you're taking her. Oh, if only it had been my last day with the company, there are so many ways in which I could have answered that!
You can, of course, guess who the cretin was. That's right, the "Are you a Route B?" lady.
I could hear her telling everyone a pack of lies. "He said to just stay on and he would drop me off where I wanted." as well as "Where is he taking me? He's going to strand me miles from home!"
I shouted back that I would sort it out at the next major stop (6 mins away) and that there was nothing I could do about it now. I carried on, ignoring the verbal diarrhoea that was being spouted.
And do you know what this woman was most concerned about? Her bloody frozen chicken might defrost before she got home.
As I was nearing the next major point (where I would put her on the next bus in the opposite direction), I could hear she was making a phone call to someone, who must have offered to collect her. As she finished the call, she said to the person next to her: "He called me a plonker!" in a very amused manner. She then turned and said precisely the same sentence to everyone individually in the lower saloon: "He called me a plonker!"
This was still going on as she left my bus at the focal point. "He called me a plonker!" She even said it to a chap in a taxi who was collecting an elderly lady. The guy looked at me as if there was something I needed to tell him but sadly there wasn't. I looked at him and put two fingers to my head to imitate a gun's barrel. He understood.
And then it ended. The frozen chicken, I assume, got home before thawing, while The Plonker stood awaiting her lift home.
Common Sense Solution: If passengers cannot understand basic instructions from a driver, along the lines of: to get home you need to catch me to X and then get on another bus there to your house, they should not be allowed on the bus. Imagine if she'd got off where she did and then wandered into a dark alley and collapsed or was attacked and it transpired she was miles from home. I'd be interviewed under caution by the police for sure.
A lady with a free bus pass (orange stripe down the side, meaning the holder has a disability that precludes them from attaining a car driving licence) boarded in the town centre. She asked if I was Route B. I said not and that I was Route A. Until January, Routes A and B ran alternatively, but then changes were made and Route B was cancelled and Route A increased to double the frequency to compensate.
She said that she needed to be on a road that Route B used to serve. I told her that her only option now is to catch me (Route A) and change onto Route C that would take her the remainder of the way. The connection point is only 0.5 miles from the road she wants to be, but she had shopping and didn't pay to use the bus, so I suspected she'd be happy to wait 15 minutes, rather than walk the distance in 10 mins.
She sat down. Off we went.
Half-an-hour later, an old chap shouted out to me: "Driver! Driver!" I slowed from 50mph to respond. He said that a lady claims she's got on the wrong bus and wants to know where you're taking her. Oh, if only it had been my last day with the company, there are so many ways in which I could have answered that!
You can, of course, guess who the cretin was. That's right, the "Are you a Route B?" lady.
I could hear her telling everyone a pack of lies. "He said to just stay on and he would drop me off where I wanted." as well as "Where is he taking me? He's going to strand me miles from home!"
I shouted back that I would sort it out at the next major stop (6 mins away) and that there was nothing I could do about it now. I carried on, ignoring the verbal diarrhoea that was being spouted.
And do you know what this woman was most concerned about? Her bloody frozen chicken might defrost before she got home.
As I was nearing the next major point (where I would put her on the next bus in the opposite direction), I could hear she was making a phone call to someone, who must have offered to collect her. As she finished the call, she said to the person next to her: "He called me a plonker!" in a very amused manner. She then turned and said precisely the same sentence to everyone individually in the lower saloon: "He called me a plonker!"
This was still going on as she left my bus at the focal point. "He called me a plonker!" She even said it to a chap in a taxi who was collecting an elderly lady. The guy looked at me as if there was something I needed to tell him but sadly there wasn't. I looked at him and put two fingers to my head to imitate a gun's barrel. He understood.
And then it ended. The frozen chicken, I assume, got home before thawing, while The Plonker stood awaiting her lift home.
Common Sense Solution: If passengers cannot understand basic instructions from a driver, along the lines of: to get home you need to catch me to X and then get on another bus there to your house, they should not be allowed on the bus. Imagine if she'd got off where she did and then wandered into a dark alley and collapsed or was attacked and it transpired she was miles from home. I'd be interviewed under caution by the police for sure.
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