Secret Agent

Ah, the exclusive world of espionage. The glamour, the glitz, the girls. From James Bond to the dude in the Milk Tray adverts, who cam honestly say that they haven't at some point in their life wanted to be a spy for MI6 or some other renowned secret service?

Sadly, on the buses, the nearest you get to this is when an OAP boards and shows you their bus pass, entitling them to free travel on account of their age, but they present it in such a way that suggests they do not want anyone else to see they have one.

It happened on a few occasions today. It always makes me smile - similarly when an OAP uses their pass for the first time and they have a massive grin stretching to both sides of their face, but have absolutely no idea how to use it. They just look at you vacuously.

But, back to today, and a woman with a face like some very ropey lava boarded and I initially thought she had some dodgy goods on sale from within her coat. It would appear not. There, from within the depths, was her bus pass.

Now there is only one way to deal with this. The more liberal, piss-drinking, tree huggers of you will say something like: "Leave the poor woman alone; let her board your bus with dignity!" But where's the fun in that?

I always ask to see it properly and if they ask say that I need to view the logo of the issuing authority in the top right-hand corner, so that I knew which button to press. I'll then add something like: "It's a free one, is it?" as hidden in the midst of the darkened shades of mauve makes it difficult to see.

They take their ticket and they sit down.

Common Sense Solution: Everyone should show their bus pass or travel warrant or scholars pass to the driver clearly. From CCTV footage it could look as if I'm giving free bus rides out willy-nilly, which is considered gross misconduct. How would these people fair on our competitor's vehicles, where they have to place their pass against a reader? It is up to the individual to tell people their age, but it is written on the back of their bus pass that they need to show it to the driver and state their destination. I'm just doing my job, guv!