I've said before how sections of route without bus stops being registered as Hail & Ride causes untold problems. The problem is that passengers firstly do not know what Hail & Ride actually means. They just stand there, impersonating someone waiting to cross the road and then phone in to complain when the bus drives past them. There are some who, while having grasped the concept of HAILING a bus in order for it to stop, do so almost in secret, with ridiculously puny hand gestures or stand in dangerous places: in between parked cars, at road junctions or on the brow of a hill.
Today saw me have an issue with someone who wanted to get off a bus in a tiny village. It has a bus stop in the centre, but at either end of the village we will stop for passengers. She boarded in a large town with someone else who wanted this village. This other person wanted the first unofficial stop, not the main, fixed bus stop in the village centre.
As we entered the village the bell sounded. This was not the woman whom I knew wanted the first, unofficial stop, but the first lady. I entered the village and as I pulled over for the unofficial first stop, the woman said, "They normally stop for me a lot sooner than this!" and got out without a bye-your-leave. The second woman, who travels regularly, said she'd never seen her in her life before so she didn't know which drivers dropped her off earlier, as she said.
Common Sense Solution: I just shrugged it off and got on with my journey. It did annoy me though that a woman who clearly doesn't travel very often thinks that all she has to do is ring the bell and the bus will stop precisely where she wants it to. We are all psychotic (or is that psychic?) Had the village had three fixed bus stop, one at the start/end as well as the central one, there would be no argument. Sadly, as I've said before, some councils and bus companies don't want to shell out on bus stop signs and poles. It all boils down to money.
Wednesday, 11 January 2012
Monday, 9 January 2012
For the fun of it
Why is it that when one of the Great Unwashed learn something they don't like the sound of, they choose to automatically think that the bus driver is somehow mistaken or that they've misheard.
"What time is the last bus, mate?"
"5.50 tonight."
"Are you sure?"
"Actually, no I'm not. There's one a 10. I'm glad you told me to double check my first statement!"
The other is when a passenger purchases a return ticket. This, naturally, sees the passenger pay for their outward and return journeys when they board and a discount on two singles is offered as the passenger has chosen to return with us. If a single fare is, say, £2.00, the return will be around the £3.00 mark, offering a saving of £1. The journey allows you to go from A to B and then return from B to A during the same day. Some passengers think it entitles them to get off at Stop Z or Stop Y and then go and see their friend at Stop X before continuing with their journey. It does not. Some tickets on the train allow you to do this, but this is a bus, not a train. Apart from the obvious physical difference, the per mile cost is about 10 times less on a bus, though the way passengers moan about the cost of their fare.
"Alright, mate. With this return, can I stop off at Morrisons on the way back and get back on?"
"No, if you want to break your journey you need to buy a day ticket."
"Oh really? Only I only need to nip into Morrisons for a few bits."
Notice how the fact they only want to buy some batteries or tampax somehow made a difference from their first statement, which they were concerned was worded to imply they'd be getting back on with a trolley full and that somehow this made their de-legitimised their request.
The day ticket is only a few pence more than many of our return fares yet some just don't research the information before travelling. Some routes I drive are OK as they are wholly within certain urban areas which offer a cheaper day ticket. The more rural routes are worse as they only offer the more expensive day ticket which some people seem to, on principle, choose not to buy.
And then there are those who don't look at your destination and flag you down and ask for somewhere that you're not going to. The only time a bus driver can get his own back here is when he/she is travelling 'Not In Service' and the cretin will still flag you down as you glide by...
Common Sense Solution: Sadly, there isn't one. Is is human nature to question anything you're told that you don't like the sound of? I don't do that. I think it is because passengers don't now see a bus driver as holding much authority. He is the guy they begrudgingly hand over their hard-earned money to.
"What time is the last bus, mate?"
"5.50 tonight."
"Are you sure?"
"Actually, no I'm not. There's one a 10. I'm glad you told me to double check my first statement!"
The other is when a passenger purchases a return ticket. This, naturally, sees the passenger pay for their outward and return journeys when they board and a discount on two singles is offered as the passenger has chosen to return with us. If a single fare is, say, £2.00, the return will be around the £3.00 mark, offering a saving of £1. The journey allows you to go from A to B and then return from B to A during the same day. Some passengers think it entitles them to get off at Stop Z or Stop Y and then go and see their friend at Stop X before continuing with their journey. It does not. Some tickets on the train allow you to do this, but this is a bus, not a train. Apart from the obvious physical difference, the per mile cost is about 10 times less on a bus, though the way passengers moan about the cost of their fare.
"Alright, mate. With this return, can I stop off at Morrisons on the way back and get back on?"
"No, if you want to break your journey you need to buy a day ticket."
"Oh really? Only I only need to nip into Morrisons for a few bits."
Notice how the fact they only want to buy some batteries or tampax somehow made a difference from their first statement, which they were concerned was worded to imply they'd be getting back on with a trolley full and that somehow this made their de-legitimised their request.
The day ticket is only a few pence more than many of our return fares yet some just don't research the information before travelling. Some routes I drive are OK as they are wholly within certain urban areas which offer a cheaper day ticket. The more rural routes are worse as they only offer the more expensive day ticket which some people seem to, on principle, choose not to buy.
And then there are those who don't look at your destination and flag you down and ask for somewhere that you're not going to. The only time a bus driver can get his own back here is when he/she is travelling 'Not In Service' and the cretin will still flag you down as you glide by...
Common Sense Solution: Sadly, there isn't one. Is is human nature to question anything you're told that you don't like the sound of? I don't do that. I think it is because passengers don't now see a bus driver as holding much authority. He is the guy they begrudgingly hand over their hard-earned money to.
Thursday, 5 January 2012
First Argument of 2012
Needless to say the first indiscretion of the year took place on my first day back after the New Year extended weekend.
I was working a shift where I was to receive a very generous break of 20 minutes every time I got to a particular terminus. I need this time as break as I do a 7-hour stint and the law says that if I do more than 5.5 hours, I need to have a minimum of 45 minutes in the short breaks in between journeys before the stint ends. Even then I cannot work more than 8.5 hours, when a minimum of 30 mins break is additionally needed.
I don't expect the passengers to be aware of this.
I arrived at the terminus and the passengers got off. I could see some people milling around for my return journey which was to leave in 20 minutes time. But I was going to leave the bus and use the local rest room in the form of a portakabin. It has a kettle and a sink. I wouldn't drink anything from the kettle or use the sink, but that is by the by; it is somewhere I can go to get away from the cab.
On the journey in, two passengers said that they'd rung a bell in the lower saloon and nothing happened. Consequently they'd had to call out that they wanted the next stop. I left the engine running now the bus was empty, left the cab and walked the full length of the bus to check the bells. All seemed to work OK. I then went upstairs and checked those there - all OK.
All very mysterious. I can downstairs and turned the engine off. I collected my cash tray and put my coat on. All indicative actions of someone about to leave a bus. I turned to the door and saw a queue of 6 or 7 people waiting to get on.
As I opened the door, I told them that I'd be 15 minutes. I could have said fuck-all like some of my colleagues, but chose to let them know.
"Oh, that's a bit much!" the woman at the front of the queue said.
"I beg your pardon?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"Well it's cold out here and we've got to wait all that time!"
What had happened was that she couldn't bare not to be first in the queue and so had left her seat in the relative warmth of the mini bus station. Someone was now sat there. It was a gamble that had not paid off. And before you ask, no, we're not allowed to board passengers only to then leave them alone on board while we use the loo or get a drink. In any case, when passengers see others on board, they have this uncontrollable urge to open the doors themselves to join their fellow campers on board. They do not know how to close the doors behind them and you lose track of who has paid and who hasn't - and there's always the opportunity for someone to claim they've paid when they haven't.
"I'm not being rude, love, but I don't leave until on-the-hour, so I will see you shortly before then." and then I walked off.
Common Sense Solution: I think I did it. Passengers often claim that other drivers do what they're asking you to do. I'm surprised she didn't say this to me today. It is almost always bullshit. Consistency, as I've said on many times previous, is the name of the game. If this woman learns that all drivers take 15 of their 20 mins turnaround she will know to keep her fat on the bench until the driver returns.
I was working a shift where I was to receive a very generous break of 20 minutes every time I got to a particular terminus. I need this time as break as I do a 7-hour stint and the law says that if I do more than 5.5 hours, I need to have a minimum of 45 minutes in the short breaks in between journeys before the stint ends. Even then I cannot work more than 8.5 hours, when a minimum of 30 mins break is additionally needed.
I don't expect the passengers to be aware of this.
I arrived at the terminus and the passengers got off. I could see some people milling around for my return journey which was to leave in 20 minutes time. But I was going to leave the bus and use the local rest room in the form of a portakabin. It has a kettle and a sink. I wouldn't drink anything from the kettle or use the sink, but that is by the by; it is somewhere I can go to get away from the cab.
On the journey in, two passengers said that they'd rung a bell in the lower saloon and nothing happened. Consequently they'd had to call out that they wanted the next stop. I left the engine running now the bus was empty, left the cab and walked the full length of the bus to check the bells. All seemed to work OK. I then went upstairs and checked those there - all OK.
All very mysterious. I can downstairs and turned the engine off. I collected my cash tray and put my coat on. All indicative actions of someone about to leave a bus. I turned to the door and saw a queue of 6 or 7 people waiting to get on.
As I opened the door, I told them that I'd be 15 minutes. I could have said fuck-all like some of my colleagues, but chose to let them know.
"Oh, that's a bit much!" the woman at the front of the queue said.
"I beg your pardon?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"Well it's cold out here and we've got to wait all that time!"
What had happened was that she couldn't bare not to be first in the queue and so had left her seat in the relative warmth of the mini bus station. Someone was now sat there. It was a gamble that had not paid off. And before you ask, no, we're not allowed to board passengers only to then leave them alone on board while we use the loo or get a drink. In any case, when passengers see others on board, they have this uncontrollable urge to open the doors themselves to join their fellow campers on board. They do not know how to close the doors behind them and you lose track of who has paid and who hasn't - and there's always the opportunity for someone to claim they've paid when they haven't.
"I'm not being rude, love, but I don't leave until on-the-hour, so I will see you shortly before then." and then I walked off.
Common Sense Solution: I think I did it. Passengers often claim that other drivers do what they're asking you to do. I'm surprised she didn't say this to me today. It is almost always bullshit. Consistency, as I've said on many times previous, is the name of the game. If this woman learns that all drivers take 15 of their 20 mins turnaround she will know to keep her fat on the bench until the driver returns.
Last Argument of 2011
It is only fitting to report that my last argument of the year took place on New Year's Eve. Not only that, it occurred while working the last journey of the particular journey I was working. I was departing a bus station at 1600, though as it was the last bus for two days, reversed off the bay at 1601. A passenger on board yelled out that someone was running towards the bus and as I was the only bus in the station, assumed he wanted me.
He was an odd sight. I would describe him as a typical geeza, except this wanker was in his 40s and was mincing along. Very odd. Very camp. Perhaps he was one of these gays that I hear talk of. Whether he was or not was not made known to me. I can, though, reveal that he was a complete ignoramus.
Had I been the one running for a bus that should have left a minute ago - and that it was the last one to operate this route for 2 days - I would board and immediately thank the driver for waiting for the sorry spectacle of me gricing along as if I'd shit my pants. Knowing me, I'd probably apologise for delaying the driver. This tosser said nothing of the sort.
"You're going bloody early!" he said.
There was little point in my being polite to him considering his tone. No, he was one of these who thought that he was right no matter what. I was his servant and I was disobeying him. C U NextTuesday - quite literally, as that's when the next bus would have been if I'd not stopped.
Luckily the clock on the bus dashboard showed 1601, as did the clock on the ticket machine. I pointed these out to him without getting into an argument. I also offered him my mobile phone, on which was displayed the correct time - guess what it was? 1601.
Rather than accept defeat, knob head said "I've had a triple heart by-pass you know!"
Oh, does that account for your ignorance and bad attitude?
Of course it doesn't. In a move designed to show that he wasn't going to hold the service up anymore than he had done already, I pulled away with him stood at the front and issued his ticket while the vehicle was in motion. That ought to flex his aorta sufficiently.
Common Sense Solution: Passengers regularly run late for buses. It is a fact of life. You cannot change it and there is no point in attempting to. However, when a bus driver does stop for a passenger after leaving a stop - something vehemently frowned upon by the Driving Standards Agency and the Vehicle Operators Safety Agency - the least a driver expects is for the passenger to offer his or her thanks. I put myself in that passenger's shoes. I'd have thanked the driver, even if I felt he may have been departing early. He still did not have to stop and I reckon that when pressed, most bus operators would instruct their drivers NOT to stop for ANY passenger once they've left a stop.
He was an odd sight. I would describe him as a typical geeza, except this wanker was in his 40s and was mincing along. Very odd. Very camp. Perhaps he was one of these gays that I hear talk of. Whether he was or not was not made known to me. I can, though, reveal that he was a complete ignoramus.
Had I been the one running for a bus that should have left a minute ago - and that it was the last one to operate this route for 2 days - I would board and immediately thank the driver for waiting for the sorry spectacle of me gricing along as if I'd shit my pants. Knowing me, I'd probably apologise for delaying the driver. This tosser said nothing of the sort.
"You're going bloody early!" he said.
There was little point in my being polite to him considering his tone. No, he was one of these who thought that he was right no matter what. I was his servant and I was disobeying him. C U NextTuesday - quite literally, as that's when the next bus would have been if I'd not stopped.
Luckily the clock on the bus dashboard showed 1601, as did the clock on the ticket machine. I pointed these out to him without getting into an argument. I also offered him my mobile phone, on which was displayed the correct time - guess what it was? 1601.
Rather than accept defeat, knob head said "I've had a triple heart by-pass you know!"
Oh, does that account for your ignorance and bad attitude?
Of course it doesn't. In a move designed to show that he wasn't going to hold the service up anymore than he had done already, I pulled away with him stood at the front and issued his ticket while the vehicle was in motion. That ought to flex his aorta sufficiently.
Common Sense Solution: Passengers regularly run late for buses. It is a fact of life. You cannot change it and there is no point in attempting to. However, when a bus driver does stop for a passenger after leaving a stop - something vehemently frowned upon by the Driving Standards Agency and the Vehicle Operators Safety Agency - the least a driver expects is for the passenger to offer his or her thanks. I put myself in that passenger's shoes. I'd have thanked the driver, even if I felt he may have been departing early. He still did not have to stop and I reckon that when pressed, most bus operators would instruct their drivers NOT to stop for ANY passenger once they've left a stop.
Saturday, 3 December 2011
All for the sake of 9p
A teen boarded today and asked for his destination. The fare was £2.80. He gave me a load of coins and said "There you are, mate, it's all there."
I trust no one when they do this, so put it on my cash tray top and counted it out. The total was £2.71. He was 9p short.
If he'd boarded and said: "I'm really sorry but I've just counted my money and all I've got is £2.71 for a teen single to X, could you let me off?" I may well have done, and manually issued him a £2.71 ticket. I would not have given him a ticket for £2.80 though as I would then personally be responsible for the 9p and I am not employed to pay passengers' bus fares.
So, in my eyes, he was deliberately trying to board without the correct fare by making out the money was exact when it was nothing of the sort. I told him he couldn't travel unless he had £2.80. He then asked how far £2.71 would take him because - guess what - he had no more money on him. I told him which village he could travel to and he went for that. He even had 11p change as that fare was £2.60. Bargain.
Now, when we got to that village, do you think he rang the bell and alighted?
Did he bollocks.
I didn't shout out the village name, I left my cab and shot upstairs to get him. One day I'll possibly be stabbed for acting like this, but until then, I have behaviour on my bus the way I expect it to be. If you saw me face-to-face you also wouldn't argue with me, let's just put it that way. He was 'lead' off the bus exclaiming that it was cold outside. Though no sooner he he got off the bus he lit up a cigarette. "Dam!" I thought, "I should have charged him adult fare!"
Common Sense Solution: Always count money presented to you in this way. Mostly the amount is correct. Sometimes there's a little more. A bus driver should never be expected to foot the partial cost of a passenger's ticket in this way. The driver needs to know what the score is and many will allow a 9p discrepancy to go. Treating a bus driver like a mug or simply lying to him, will result in this way.
I trust no one when they do this, so put it on my cash tray top and counted it out. The total was £2.71. He was 9p short.
If he'd boarded and said: "I'm really sorry but I've just counted my money and all I've got is £2.71 for a teen single to X, could you let me off?" I may well have done, and manually issued him a £2.71 ticket. I would not have given him a ticket for £2.80 though as I would then personally be responsible for the 9p and I am not employed to pay passengers' bus fares.
So, in my eyes, he was deliberately trying to board without the correct fare by making out the money was exact when it was nothing of the sort. I told him he couldn't travel unless he had £2.80. He then asked how far £2.71 would take him because - guess what - he had no more money on him. I told him which village he could travel to and he went for that. He even had 11p change as that fare was £2.60. Bargain.
Now, when we got to that village, do you think he rang the bell and alighted?
Did he bollocks.
I didn't shout out the village name, I left my cab and shot upstairs to get him. One day I'll possibly be stabbed for acting like this, but until then, I have behaviour on my bus the way I expect it to be. If you saw me face-to-face you also wouldn't argue with me, let's just put it that way. He was 'lead' off the bus exclaiming that it was cold outside. Though no sooner he he got off the bus he lit up a cigarette. "Dam!" I thought, "I should have charged him adult fare!"
Common Sense Solution: Always count money presented to you in this way. Mostly the amount is correct. Sometimes there's a little more. A bus driver should never be expected to foot the partial cost of a passenger's ticket in this way. The driver needs to know what the score is and many will allow a 9p discrepancy to go. Treating a bus driver like a mug or simply lying to him, will result in this way.
Friday, 2 December 2011
The Jobsworth Passenger
So, a number of bus drivers are regarded as jobsworths when they do not do what the passenger wants them to do. I can see it from both sides and don't always side with a colleague when what the passenger is asking is not in anyway dangerous, unsafe or breaking any laws, guidelines or local agreements.
Today, I had a 'jobsworth' passenger. That's right! Rather impressive.
We have a bus stop near a school. The bus stop never used to exist but a recent change to the way the school wants its school buses to operate has meant that the school stop has been moved to the current location. A bus stop flag has been attached to a lamp post to show that buses stop here. Additionally, other buses that pass this location on their normal services during the day stop here, upon request. It would seem a little silly to tell them to ignore the stop.
In the opposite direction things are different. There is no bus stop opposite as school services operate a one-way loop. Service buses during the day pass in the opposite direction, though, and we have been told not to stop opposite the bus stop sign as a very large road exit is located her and parked cars either side of that. The bus stop sign opposite does not have 'either side' or 'bus stop opposite too' on it.
Today, a woman rang the bell to get off opposite this stop. I did what I've done since the stop has been in use and rightly assumed she wanted the next actual stop in this direction. As I passed the bus stop flag opposite the lady said "Can you stop here please?" I played partially deaf and waited a few seconds before asking "Sorry?" by which time we were fast approaching the next, actual bus stop. This technique doesn't show ignorance, just that I'm concentrating on my driving, like a good bus driver.
"You should have stopped there." she said.
"There's no bus stop there, just one opposite. And that's only there because we drop school kids off there in the mornings" I said.
"It's all changed now though!" the woman replied.
'It's all changed now though'? What the fuck was she banging on about. What has changed? Was she somehow telepathic and aware of a pending change to our stopping pattern that even our boss hadn't come up with yet? Had there actually been a notice informing us to drop off in between parked cars of the entrance to a road junction that I'd missed?
Of course not, she was just being thick.
As a meaningless gesture of goodwill I dropped her of 5 feet before the next bus stop and told her the (above) reasons why that is not an either side bus stop.
Her response? "Oh, I think you find that it is."
Common Sense Solution: The customer is NOT always right. Any company with this ethos nowadays is on a slippery slope. There had NOT been any alteration to our stopping pattern here, I checked. Although not illegal, it is very dangerous to drop passengers off in between parked cars and blocking a road junction to drop passengers off carries a £60 fine if the policeman watching you is in a bad mood. A driver may have dropped her off here before and thought nothing of it. This is possibly what caused today's exchange. Passengers will immediately believe that this dangerous or fine-worthy act is the correct procedure and they then equip themselves with this information, wielding it out as fact when it is absolutely nothing of the sort. Stay firm, toe the party line and be prepared to refuse them their request. Consistency is, as I've said before, key.
Today, I had a 'jobsworth' passenger. That's right! Rather impressive.
We have a bus stop near a school. The bus stop never used to exist but a recent change to the way the school wants its school buses to operate has meant that the school stop has been moved to the current location. A bus stop flag has been attached to a lamp post to show that buses stop here. Additionally, other buses that pass this location on their normal services during the day stop here, upon request. It would seem a little silly to tell them to ignore the stop.
In the opposite direction things are different. There is no bus stop opposite as school services operate a one-way loop. Service buses during the day pass in the opposite direction, though, and we have been told not to stop opposite the bus stop sign as a very large road exit is located her and parked cars either side of that. The bus stop sign opposite does not have 'either side' or 'bus stop opposite too' on it.
Today, a woman rang the bell to get off opposite this stop. I did what I've done since the stop has been in use and rightly assumed she wanted the next actual stop in this direction. As I passed the bus stop flag opposite the lady said "Can you stop here please?" I played partially deaf and waited a few seconds before asking "Sorry?" by which time we were fast approaching the next, actual bus stop. This technique doesn't show ignorance, just that I'm concentrating on my driving, like a good bus driver.
"You should have stopped there." she said.
"There's no bus stop there, just one opposite. And that's only there because we drop school kids off there in the mornings" I said.
"It's all changed now though!" the woman replied.
'It's all changed now though'? What the fuck was she banging on about. What has changed? Was she somehow telepathic and aware of a pending change to our stopping pattern that even our boss hadn't come up with yet? Had there actually been a notice informing us to drop off in between parked cars of the entrance to a road junction that I'd missed?
Of course not, she was just being thick.
As a meaningless gesture of goodwill I dropped her of 5 feet before the next bus stop and told her the (above) reasons why that is not an either side bus stop.
Her response? "Oh, I think you find that it is."
Common Sense Solution: The customer is NOT always right. Any company with this ethos nowadays is on a slippery slope. There had NOT been any alteration to our stopping pattern here, I checked. Although not illegal, it is very dangerous to drop passengers off in between parked cars and blocking a road junction to drop passengers off carries a £60 fine if the policeman watching you is in a bad mood. A driver may have dropped her off here before and thought nothing of it. This is possibly what caused today's exchange. Passengers will immediately believe that this dangerous or fine-worthy act is the correct procedure and they then equip themselves with this information, wielding it out as fact when it is absolutely nothing of the sort. Stay firm, toe the party line and be prepared to refuse them their request. Consistency is, as I've said before, key.
Thursday, 1 December 2011
Wrong Way
Can you believe someone of my expertise, knowledge and all-round 'greatness' went the wrong way the other day? Deary me. I guess it happens to the best of us.
There was an ambulance following me so I felt obliged to get out of its way and I saw a bus stop ahead with a lay-by that would get me off the main carriageway, so I took it. Only trouble was I should have turned right immediately beforehand and overshot the turning.
Arse!
And can you believe the ruddy ambulance actually turned right down the road I should have? While my actions had got me out of its way, the passengers never actually saw what I'm sure some of them thought was a fictional ambulance. I told them what the situation was and found a road to reverse into further up the road and made the slight delay to the timetable up, so everything was OK in the end.
Common Sense Solution: I suppose as much as we motorists like to get out of the way of an emergency vehicle attending a 999 call, sometimes you can really fuck yourself up. In London, there have been examples of people getting fixed penalty notices for moving ahead of a white line at traffic lights and into a yellow hash box so that an ambulance can get past them. The FPNs haven't been rescinded either. "The law is very clear about occupying a yellow box". Well I hope that a family member of the person who deals with these matters isn't the one foaming at the mouth at the bottom of the stairs that the ambulance is trying to get to.
There was an ambulance following me so I felt obliged to get out of its way and I saw a bus stop ahead with a lay-by that would get me off the main carriageway, so I took it. Only trouble was I should have turned right immediately beforehand and overshot the turning.
Arse!
And can you believe the ruddy ambulance actually turned right down the road I should have? While my actions had got me out of its way, the passengers never actually saw what I'm sure some of them thought was a fictional ambulance. I told them what the situation was and found a road to reverse into further up the road and made the slight delay to the timetable up, so everything was OK in the end.
Common Sense Solution: I suppose as much as we motorists like to get out of the way of an emergency vehicle attending a 999 call, sometimes you can really fuck yourself up. In London, there have been examples of people getting fixed penalty notices for moving ahead of a white line at traffic lights and into a yellow hash box so that an ambulance can get past them. The FPNs haven't been rescinded either. "The law is very clear about occupying a yellow box". Well I hope that a family member of the person who deals with these matters isn't the one foaming at the mouth at the bottom of the stairs that the ambulance is trying to get to.
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