The Lying Bitch

Passengers lie. That's life. Not all of them, but more than your boss will publicly admit. And your boss is in a good position to see this, having fielded all the complaints that, through utilising the CCTV footage, can be proven as bullshit.

A woman who looks like mutton dressed as lamb gets on in a village in an area where her bus pass cannot be used before 9.30am on a weekday. Now she's always paid cash but recently must have turned 60. Equipped with this precious piece of card, she's tries to board at 8am with her pass. The first time she did this, she had a massive row with the relatively new driver, who became very concerned that he was in the wrong, despite knowing otherwise. All went quiet for a number of months but she's started again.

What she doesn't know is that we drivers communicate to each other through a series of grunts. 7 grunts and a squeal means: "That nasty posh tart who's recently turned 60 who gets on at X will try and take the piss with a bus pass and under no circumstances accept it for travel on a weekday."

She's clearly cottoned onto this non-acceptance now, so matters have changed. Her single fare was £2 though with the fares rise last week it is now £2.10 (it's not, but I'm using this to illustrate the actual scenario where her single to town has risen by 10p recently).

She boarded my bus today and put down just £2 and briskly walked off. This despite me telling her the fare was £2.10. I called her back rather loudly as on the first occasion she didn't hear. Back she came and then argued the toss about how I was wrong. I suggested she'd not travelled on the bus since the fares rise but she's on the bus every day and has never been charged £2.10 yet. "All the other drivers can't be wrong, surely?"

"Yes they are. It's £2.10 please," said I, stony faced.

With much head shaking, she paid up and sat down. She must think we're all thick. We cannot override the ticket machine. Where she gets on to where she is going has the fare pre-programmed into the ticket machine as £2.10. There's no way we can offer another fare unless her journey is different.

Common Sense Solution: hold these arse holes in the same contempt that they hold you. You'll always win provided you don't swear or do something that will cause the passenger to contact your depot to complain about your attitude. Smiling is especially good in these circumstances as you're doing it to be a cocky git, while they cannot complain as outwardly it appears polite. Just remember, in virtually all cases like this, the passenger is lying or, at best, mistaken. Uphold the party line.